Grateful

Thankfulness.  Appreciation.  Your dad's dorky phrase: an "attitude of gratitude".  We have one whole day devoted to this concept, which is a wonderful reminder between platefuls of fried turkey.  What about the other 364 days of the year?  How often do the words "thank you" cross your lips?
For me, that answer is a rousing "NOT ENOUGH".  The past month I have felt the challenge from my Creator to be a thankful, trusting, and faithful follower of Him.  I use the word "challenge" because my current circumstances are shouting at me to be bitter, doubtful, and fearful instead.  Those of you who know me well are fully aware that I wear my heart on my sleeve, and if a stranger on the street asks me how I'm doing we will most likely end up crying and singing Taylor Swift songs together. It's impossible for me not to be an open book emotionally (hence the whole blog writing thing).  Can this be a blessing?  Sure it can.  Does it sometimes feel like I have permanent PMS?  Yes, friends, it does.

The past few months I have been confronted with a fear that is quite close to my heart.  And in the midst of this fear, God has continually reminded me that I am to be thankful.  For people that don't know Him, this sounds downright cruel.  "Suck it up, kid, that's life.  Now give me the praise and thanks I deserve."  But I can tell you this is far from the Father's heart.  Like many things He asks of me, His goal is not to benefit Himself.  He's God, and He doesn't need me for that.  Rather, He wants me to reap the benefit of trusting Him.  He is such an incredible Father.

I have gone through the process of surrendering this fear into His hands.  The emotion of it still gets to me--my stomach turns and my palms get sweaty when Satan plagues my mind with the idea of it, and I'm still not good at shutting him out.  As an over-analyzer, I am constantly turning ideas through my mind, and that is where my enemy likes to trip me up.  He is successful much more than I like to admit.  But God is not the Author of fear.  He gives me, A, the spirit of power, love, and a sound mind.  He gives me calm in the middle of the hurricane.  He gives me a reason to put on my socks and get out of bed each morning.  He gave me, and continues to give me, life.

God does not demand thankfulness from me.  Yet when I am in tune with Him, I find it difficult not to express gratefulness.  I have gone through seasons in my life where I say "thank you" to the cashier at Wal-Mart more than I do to Christ.  I am flawed and human, and when I get angry and sad with the way life is going, I grit my teeth and bemoan that I am not getting my way.  And yet this week, even yesterday, I was able to thank Him through the tears running down my face. 

As I have said before, God made me with a heart that is easily bared.  My emotions are always just below the surface.  I thank Him for that.  And I thank Him for the season of my life at this very moment.  I don't know the outcome, and I don't know what to expect.  I just know who's in charge, and that no one loves me like He does.

I encourage you to be naked in your heart before the Father.  Thank Him--for anything and everything that comes to mind.  He loves to hear from his children.  Thank Him for the poetic stuff--the starry night sky, the majestic colors of autumn, and the rainbow after the storm.  Thank Him for the silly things--the look on your dog's face when he eats peanut butter, when your husband remembers to put the toilet seat down, and the nights you don't have to cook dinner.  Thank Him for the everyday things--the ability to get out of bed,  the job that you are late for as you hit rush hour traffic, and for me, the fact that your car started that day.  Thank Him for the hard things--how He holds you when the anxiety hits, the way He listens when all you can do is cry, for the ability to share in the passion of Jesus when pain enters your life.  For every good and perfect gift comes from above, from our heavenly Father, Who does not change like shifting shadows.  He is somehow both God and good. 

There will be no altar call or 76 choruses of "Just As I Am" to complete my sermon today.  Don't worry, I'll be back to the funny stuff later.  I could not miss this opportunity to share what He is doing in my life.  Thank you, as always, for reading.  And thank you, Father, for inspiring my words.  You are the Author of me.